I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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