Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
