thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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