Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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