"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
