Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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