Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
