Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
