im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
After tacos, we're chasing women.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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