hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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