You can't special order awesome
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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