Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
