Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
