that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
