That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
