Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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