Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize