I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
