Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
