I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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