at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
