What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
