Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
