she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
wow bdsm is so cute
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
