Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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