He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
