dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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