I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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