stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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