six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
