And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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