I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
