Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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