It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
