well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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