we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
