Your tits are I can't wait for
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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