I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
