My underwear smells like fireworks.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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