Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
