I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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