My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
