You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
