it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
