He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize