Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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