between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
