All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
