The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
