So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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