If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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