You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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