"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
