why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
