Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
