I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
