after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
