I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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