Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
