You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
