Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
