and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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