Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
