i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I made him laugh his dick is mine
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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