It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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