i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize