What a fucking waste of an outfit
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
