I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
