Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
