she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
