Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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