but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
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