so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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