maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize