I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
