And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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