My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
