it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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