$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i've created a new STD.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
