so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
