i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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