The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
