Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
