Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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