fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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