did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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