I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You need Xanax blowdarts
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
