So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My bed smells like the plague
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
