You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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