Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
