her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
