You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
