I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
