What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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