do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
