I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
