dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She's the barista slut.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
