omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
