Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize