What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
