I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
