So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
splinters make it hard to masturbate
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
