mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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