sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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