Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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