omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
