I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
