you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
