I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize