WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
