Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
