Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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