Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
